I feel as though most of this pregnancy was consumed with anxiety of dealing with the baby's foot once got here. When Lucy was born, it was a very tough transition for us. Oliver did great adjusting as a big brother; but otherwise it was tough. I had a lot of anxiety about having another newborn in the house anyway; knowing that we were going to deal with clubfoot again made it so, so much worse.
When I hit 37 weeks, and realized that he "could" be here any time, I went into nesting overdrive. Its odd...I've never nested during any of my pregnancies. In fact, during my second pregnancy I sent an email to my doula saying, "I apologize in advance for the mess of my house when you come over during my labor. I have zero energy or desire to clean. I just don't nest!" Not this time. I've gone crazy organizing, cleaning, throwing things away. Its borderline ridiculous and I give my husband HUGE props for putting up with me. It was like all I could do was look around my house and see everything that needed done before the baby was born. I know once he is here, things will be busy. I won't have time to organize closets, clean out the pantry, etc. So I made an enormous, master list of everything that I could possibly want cleaned in every room of the house. At 40+ weeks, that crazy long list is almost complete. All is left is a few random things that don't *really* need done.
I never thought I would make it to my due date. I had had so many strong, intense contractions before I hit 39 weeks that I really expected something to happen. Honestly, this whole time I felt like he was going to come way before I was mentally ready and that made me panic a bit. Ok, a lot. I had several meltdowns about how he could be here ANY DAY and I AM NOT READY!!!!
Then something changed. About week 39, things changed. I went from having contractions every day, throughout the day, to almost none. Or very few. I felt tired, but had some good days. And it was like all of a sudden I had a peace about him being here. Suddenly, I could not wait to meet my baby. It was a wonderful, peaceful feeling that I didn't think I would experience. I honestly didn't expect my peace to come until I held my baby in my arms. But it was here, and I was ready.
That was about a week and a half ago. My due date was September 24 (a Tuesday) and it is now September 27 (Friday) late at night. A couple of nights ago I had a lot of contractions, to the point where I expected to be calling my birth team any time to get everyone ready to go. Then everything faded away, and I was left tired and worn out yesterday. I was mentally exhausted and just wanted to be done with this pregnancy. Thankfully, my parents came up and helped with the kids and I was able to rest. Last night, I slept great and woke up feeling much better about everything.
I had an appointment with my midwife this morning along with an ultrasound. At this point, baby is big enough that its hard to get a good look at his feet, but we could still see that it looks like one foot is clubbed. Sigh. I guess in the back of my mind I will continue to hope and pray that it straightens miraculously before he is born. But otherwise, he looked fabulous. Completely perfect on ultrasound. That was encouraging. My body is progressing and labor could start at any time. I'm sitting here at home on my birth ball now, bouncing and rolling my hips, willing labor to start. I know I have my birth team on edge, waiting for the call. I'm so, so ready to meet our sweet boy. I am so relieved that my focus has gone from dealing with his foot to just meeting our sweet son.
Whenever you are ready, baby Max, mama is ready. God's timing is perfect and I know he will join our family at exactly the right time.
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| Hard to see...but can you make out his little face? Its a straight on shot of his face, with his hands tucked under his chin. His forehead is to the right, and you can see his eyes, nose and mouth if you know what to look for. :) |
